wake-up call

"Last night I was writing about you. I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you. I know I know I know..." I open one eye while my cold fingers search for the snooze button on the radio. Oh sweet irony that this song is to wake up to. I open the other eye; it is one of those days that start off with a gloomy feeling to it, despite the gorgeous sunrise. Can't help but think that it has something to do with my consistent lack of sleep... The blue sky and the morning sun are sneaking into my room through the sad excuse of a curtain. I forcefully separate myself from the lonely sheets, leaving all the worthless pillows behind. It's not that hard to get out of bed anymore since you are nowhere to be found in that pile of warmth and unfinished dreams. Smudged make-up is easy to wash off compared to the black circles around my eyes. "I know I know I know" is fading away, letting the street noise come in through the open balcony door. I know, i know! I'm late for my run... I push myself down the stairs and say hello to the familiar route of my everyday run. The cold air is tearing up my throat, but I don't mind the feeling. My lungs destroyed by countless cigarettes object to my obsession with running. My freezing fingers are holding on to my iPod as some remix is setting up the tempo for my legs. Certain moments should come with a soundtrack. What a random thought; one out of so many... Is this day going to be any different from hundreds of days before it? My own routine is making me sick.

A shower and a cup of coffee later, life stops just as abruptly as it did that one August morning when I so foolishly chose to type my feelings away. These thin letters and pretty words are just a lame excuse for my pathetic lack of having something short and precise to say to you; I want to say so many things. You cross my mind more often than I'd like to admit. I try to make up sentences in my head, but the words crumble upon the uncertainty brought by the two lonely symbols you left underneath an old photo... Spider House; another sunset; Lindemans; meet me there some time?