finding pulse

Friday, July 17, 2009
4:28 AM

The events of everyday life fly passed me. I try to keep up; it drowns me.

My mind is so exhausted and confused, that it can no longer see the meaning of my surroundings. In my head, the time is somewhere else, but here. I open my eyes and hear two voices; I open my heart and hear no pulse.

My heart is so exhausted and confused, that it can no longer see the meaning of these feelings suffocating me. In my heart, I am someone else, but me. I grab my cigarettes and jump out the window. Temporary escape...

As I lay on the hot hood of my car, I get mesmerized by the shimmer of the stars. My mind wonders off on it's own. I light my cigarette, but immediately forget about it; until it burns my thin fingers, and I let go of it. When do we draw a line between hurting ourselves and hurting others? How thick is that line? How long is that line?

I jump back through the window. Both of you are still up... People meet people everyday; you two clicked.

I am not selfish. I just want to feel at home: silly and carefree.

I am not strong, but I don't need strength to let go... I just need understanding.

I love you both; but my tired mind won't let go...