poison

Sunday, December 20, 2009

9:55 PM

Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events meets The Grinch on the edge of nervous breakdown. Old wooden frame of an ancient futon is facing the night trees, as the dark circles under my empty eyes are getting illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights tangled on the balcony rail in front of me. My faint shadow is staring me in the eyes from the dim corner of the balcony as it grins at me with the "I-told-you-so" smile and lights up a cigarette. The silent memory of the my body hitting the metal rail is sitting next to me with a silent reproach on its face.

My tired eyes lose focus on the screen and wander off to the blinking lights in the background filled up with cigarette smoke. I feel relieved that I am sitting down, since the ground beneath my feet is lost. I am freefalling into the Hell I have personally created for myself. The smell of burnt bridges and holiday chimneys is mingling in the cold air of a December night filled with nothing but disappointment.

Throughout the years, I've been choosing my own poisons. All of them different, yet same fatal result every time. It's like getting bit by a snake - I have to suck the poison out. Once the poison is gone, the scar from the bite is the only thing that marks my skin as a faded cold white memory of the dangerous venom I've mistakenly chosen. Tonight I found the antidote; its name is Reality.

The sound of a lighter dropped makes my glazed eyes focus back on my shadow… It finally stopped chain-smoking, and the starry sky and my vision clear up. My shadow is joggling a tiny bottle in its transparent hands; the label reads "Drink Me". The Wonderland inside my head is slowly melting away, as I light a cigarette and examine the bottle with curiosity. Finally, I turn off the colorful lights. The balcony submerges into darkness, and I catch the antidote from my shadow's disappearing hand right before it hits the floor. I hold the precious container in my cold hand, put out my cigarette as I close my eyes, and feel the chilly liquid going down my throat and straight to my head.