wasted time

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

7:38 PM

You spend your entire life building relationships with people. You struggle and fight for the ones you want to keep. You desperately seek a glimpse of a smile and a trace of happiness in their faces that reassure you that what you are doing is important to them. You trust those people, you are an open book to them, they know more about you than you do, they trust you, too.

But, sooner or later, there comes a time when you realize that you, as a person, are no longer important to them. They care, yet they fail to follow through and lift you up when you need it. Your time with them becomes limited; you get replaced. You are lost…

You knew that was bound to happen; yet you unconditionally gave everything and overcame your own troubles to comfort them. Now you find yourself tormented by all the things you could have done for yourself in the time you chose to give to them. Was it worth it? I wouldn't know… I'm lost. I'm a numb mess. I don't notice the tears anymore. I don't feel the pain. I just need a place to be, but I can't go back - somebody else is there today.